Ostensibly, this should be a review of John Denver’s festive 1975 album Rocky Mountain Christmas. It isn’t, though. What it is, specifically, is a review of a single track off of it: “Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas.)” Yes, this is a real song, and that is the real title. The initial recording, released in 1973’s Farewell Andromeda, was actually titled “Please Daddy”, which if anything evokes an even more primal despair. How could anybody attempt to review the full album— which is as upbeat as you would expect a Denver Christmas album to be— when this strange, sad song exists, crying for attention like a neglected child on the winter solstice?
Lyrically, the song isn’t too complex. Denver spends a lot of time singing the titular request, which would be haunting enough, were it not followed by him begging not to see his mother cry. The only lyrics breaking from this formula are some backstory, establishing the main character as an 8-year-old who has had multiple holidays ruined by their alcoholic father. The aforementioned mother tries to put on a strong face for her boy, but fails. Hey everybody, it’s Christmas! Aren’t we having some festive cheer? Thankfully, Denver is still the talent he always had been on this track— he fills it with some life, though arguably too much life, considering the subject matter. It’s almost as if he were singing a normal Christmas song, which is disturbing, because this is not a normal Christmas song.
Maybe these lyrics would work better had they been paired with an equally downbeat melody. Instead, Denver is backed by a twinkling piano and folksy guitar. It sounds like stock music that would be played in the background of a 50’s western, when the gunfighter enters a saloon. It isn’t at all bad, but it’s very uninspired. It’s hard to imagine this coming from the same creative team that produced the sweeping, triumphant “Country Roads.” It’s a very strange take on the subject matter, regardless. The version on Farewell Andromeda is somewhat more melancholy, but even then there’s still a little too much forced cheer in the production. Then again, I can’t imagine what an “appropriate” arrangement would sound like for these lyrics. A terrifying drone? The howling winds of the void?
While attempting to parse my thoughts on this song I couldn’t resist asking myself: Why? Why does this song exist? What could have possibly led to something so cursed? So I did some research, and like an academic in a horror movie, I am left with more terrifying questions than answers. There’s no word on whether songwriters Bill Danoff or Taffy Nivert had troubled childhoods, but given that their hit song of their Starland Vocal Band was “Afternoon Delight”, they don’t seem like they were openly grappling with generational trauma. Denver’s relationship with his father was rocky, but that’s because the latter was a stern, cleancut Air Force major. As far as I can tell, this deeply distressing song seemed to wrench itself into existence, unshackled from the lives of its creators.
As an experience, “Please Daddy (Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas) is a nightmarish and unrelenting dive into a broken home, reminding us that the sorrows of this world don’t subside for some silly holiday. As a song, I don’t know, it’s mediocre? Check it out at least once, just so I know I haven’t lost my mind yet.
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